You might think you don’t need to be told when you don’t like your boss, but sometimes managers become such an ingrained part of our work lives that you might not even realize when a personal dislike is impacting the relationship — and along with it, your happiness at your job.
Here are four typical signs that you just don’t like your manager:
1. You’re much, much happier when your boss is on vacation or traveling. It’s normal to enjoy the times when your boss is away; after all, a boss’s absence will often result in less work, fewer interruptions and lower stress. But when you’re only happy when your boss is away, it’s a bad sign about the relationship.
2. You avoid talking with your boss, even when you need to. Do you find yourself putting off important conversations with your manager or avoiding them altogether, even when you know you really should be touching base with her? People frequently do that when they dislike a manager, since they find the conversations so unpleasant. However, this behavior can result in you doing a poor job, not getting important input or leaving your boss out of the loop when you shouldn’t.
3. You’re disappointed when your manager is included in meetings or when she joins your conversation. If you have a sinking feeling when your boss joins your conversation or when you see her name on a meeting invite list, you probably don’t have a great relationship. Most people don’t want their managers included in every conversation they’re involved in, but if the relationship is healthy, they shouldn’t be devastated to see her included.
4. Everything she does annoys you. Sometimes when you’re aggravated with someone, everything about him or her starts to annoy you, including things that wouldn’t even register if someone else did them. If you find yourself thinking, “I can’t believe she ate a candy bar in that meeting” or “What nerve to have a conversation right outside my doorway,” you’re probably at this stage.
Here’s what you can do about it:
So what can you do if you find yourself saddled with a boss who gets under your skin?
Well, for starters, get clarity in your mind about what the problems are. Do you dislike her management style? Is she a jerk who criticizes people publicly and can’t be pleased? Do you just not click? Clarifying the problems might sound obvious, but people often let their dislike build to the point that they can’t even quite tell exactly what they object to.
After you figure out what exactly it is that you dislike, decide whether you can change anything about the situation. For instance, if you can’t stand the way your boss micromanages your work and doesn’t seem to trust you, you might be able to broach the issue with her and ask if she’d be willing to experiment with giving you more autonomy.
If you realize your dislike is more personality-based and not about anything she’s doing wrong as a manager, you might resolve to look for the good in her, try to give her the benefit of the doubt for a while and see if that changes anything about how you feel.
In other cases, you might realize there’s nothing you can do that will make the situation palatable for you. But even that — although it sounds dismal — is useful, because if you know you can’t change the situation, you’ll be better equipped for the next step. Speaking of which …
Ultimately, you’ll need to decide whether or not you can do your job reasonably effectively and happily, despite your dislike for your boss. There’s no shame in concluding that you can’t — not everyone works well with everyone else. But if that’s the case for you, you’re better off coming to terms with it and deciding how you’ll proceed, rather than just staying miserable. That might mean you work toward a transfer or decide to job search outside your company. But once you have a plan of action for moving away from the situation, you’ll probably find your boss easier to handle.
Alison Green writes the popular Ask a Manager blog, where she dispenses advice on career, job search and management issues. She’s the author of “How to Get a Job: Secrets of a Hiring Manager,” co-author of “Managing to Change the World: The Nonprofit Manager’s Guide to Getting Results” and the former chief of staff of a successful nonprofit organization, where she oversaw day-to-day staff management.
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4 Signs You Just Don’t Like Your Boss originally appeared on usnews.com