You really did it this time. Maybe you botched the report. You were late to work. You were caught gossiping about management. You were late to work again. You missed the deadline. You were late to work again — third time this week!
Whatever you did, it did not go unnoticed. You let down your boss and now you’re here, in the doghouse, feeling low and grumpy. Here’s how to talk to your boss about the conflict so that he or she will listen and understand. The strategy doesn’t involve trickery or puppy eyes, but rather five steps that show humility and responsibility:
1. Apologize ASAP. “This is sort of like self-PR in the workplace,” says Skip Weisman, leadership and workplace communication expert. Say a senator gets a DUI or is caught having an affair. He or she is usually quick to speak to the media and apologize for the screw-up. The senator’s public relations team wants that apology and the politician’s version of the story in the media first.
While your workplace fumble is (hopefully) not as high stakes as this fictional senator’s, your follow-up should be the same: a swift and genuine apology. “Maybe it sounds obvious, but I think a sincere apology goes a long way toward building a relationship with your boss,” says Bud Bilanich, career mentor and author of “Straight Talk for Success,” among other books.
And a 10-word email or text message won’t cut it, Weisman adds. “There’s too much hiding behind the technology of emails for this kind of stuff. It’s a cop-out,” he says. Plus, “it’s tough to communicate humility in an email,” he adds. Buck up, and ask your manager for 10 minutes of his or her time to apologize in person. “That will build huge levels of credibility with your boss,” Weisman says.
2. Say these five words. “It will not happen again — those are probably five of the most powerful words an employee can say to the boss,” Weisman says, because the employee is taking “real responsibility” for his or her actions. Of course, he adds, it’s not enough to just say this. You must live up to your promise by not repeating the mistake.
3. Don’t make excuses. Your boss doesn’t want to hear them. Following your apology with an excuse — I’m sorry I’m an hour late again; traffic was bad! — is not the act of a responsible, working adult. “It’s like going to school and saying the dog ate your homework,” Weisman says. “When you get in the real work world, that doesn’t cut it anymore.”
Own your errors, and take the responsibility to prevent them from happening again. “You’ve got to get out of blaming the environment,” Weisman says.
4. Offer solutions. Managers prefer solutions to excuses. “Bosses don’t like people coming to them with problems without solutions, or at least suggested solutions, because they see that as whining,” Bilanich says. Whatever you did to tick off your boss, brainstorm ideas for preventing it from happening again. Pitch these fixes, and act on them.
5. Open up — rather than close down — the conversation . Humbly apologizing and vowing to do better can be a strain on anyone. That’s an awful lot of humility to dish. This can be a particularly daunting task if you’re apologizing for an attitude issue your boss has brought up. It’s hard to hear about — let alone apologize for — your perceived laziness, for example.
“We all have our truths,” Bilanich points out. You see your behavior as this, and your boss sees your behavior as that. Peacefully ask for a few specific, concrete examples of how you were, in this case, lazy, Bilanich says. “In any conversation — particularly in one with your boss who has a lot of influence over your career — you want to open up the conversation rather than close it down,” he says.
Ask questions and look for solutions together. While opening up, you may find that the problem has an easy fix or that you could improve on certain things. On the other hand, “when you dig in your heels about something, all you’re doing is closing down,” Bilanich says. “And you’re both hardening your position.”
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You Ticked Off Your Boss. Now What? originally appeared on usnews.com