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What Drives Kids to Act the Way They Do?

By U.S. News & World Report

Ever wonder why your children do the things they do?

All children are born with biological and psychological needs. These genetic instructions drive behavior. One biological need is for air. This instruction drives us to breathe. Luckily, every moment of every day neither you nor your children have to remember to keep breathing. This behavior happens automatically. Another biological instruction is for us to walk upright. Other mammals don’t have this instruction, so they walk around on all four legs. In the life of all children there comes a time when they decide to attempt to stand upright and balance on their feet instead of crawling. Parents don’t have to persuade, coax or encourage this behavior. Humans have this behavioral urge as part of their genetic biological instruction.

This same drive or urge is also true for the five psychological human instructions. Children are born driven to follow their needs for survival, love and belonging, power, fun, and freedom, according to Choice Theory psychology developed by Dr. William Glasser. While further research is looking into whether there are more than just these five psychological needs, as you spend more time exploring this notion your awareness and acceptance of these five drivers will probably increase. The survival need is both biological as well as psychological. People are driven to seek shelter and food during a natural disaster (biological instruction) as well as to feel safe and secure (psychological instruction).

[See: 10 Concerns Parents Have About Their Kids’ Health.]

Your children, in all they do, are driven by these same biological and psychological needs. In addition, behavior is purposeful: an attempt to meet one or more of the five psychological needs. However, not all behavior is effective. When a toddler cries, whines and begs, she may be trying to get her mother to change her answer and let her have another lollipop. If her mother persists in denying permission, the child’s behavior was purposeful, but not effective.

Even though all behavior is purposeful and sometimes that behavior is effective, it may not be responsible or respectful. When a 3-year old grabs a toy from another child, he may be successful and effective in getting the toy he wanted but hurt another child in the process.

What’s more, even purposeful, effective, responsible and respectful behavior can be against the established rules and laws. A new driver may safely arrive at her destination, being careful and considerate of the other drivers on the road. But if a police officer stops her because she was driving over the speed limit, she is still guilty of breaking the law.

[Read: For the Sake of Our Kids’ Mental Health, We Must Teach Them to Innovate.]

No matter how effective or ineffective, responsible or irresponsible a behavior is, it’s also helpful to know that any behavior is likely a person’s best attempt to meet a need at the time. In other words, even a child who tells you a lie about where he spent the evening is trying to irresponsibly meet his need for greater freedom. When he discovers that you know that he was not where he said he would be, he realizes he may now lose even more freedom. What he did may not have the best outcome. But he chose the best behavior available to him at the time, hoping he could get what he wanted without disappointing you.

As a parent, your job is to help your children learn how to meet their psychological needs responsibly and respectfully. Often, the best time to teach children how to meet their needs in responsible and respectful ways is when kids are misbehaving. This is the moment when children are most motivated. They really want what they want and they are willing to learn a different, more effective way to get what they want.

So the next time your child misbehaves, ask her, “What did you want that you tried to get by ______?” filling in the blank describing what the child did. For instance, you might ask, “What did you want that you tried to get by hitting your little brother?”

Now ask, “If we can figure out a way to help you get what you want responsibly and respectfully, are you willing to do that instead?” Most of the time your child will agree and try something different. Now teach him the new, more responsible, respectful and effective ways to get what he wants and meets his needs.

[See: 12 Questions You Should Ask Your Kids at Dinner.]

Remember that just because she learned a new way to get what she wants and needs doesn’t mean that she will automatically rely on this new, more effective behavior in the future. It’s just the same as when your child needed to stand and fall many times before she could walk successfully. Children need practice to effectively meet their psychological needs.

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What Drives Kids to Act the Way They Do? originally appeared on usnews.com

Don’t Settle for Student Loans to Pay for Online Education

By WTOP Staff
Online college programs are becoming a more popular choice for prospective students, with one study finding that more than 6 million students enrolled in at least one online course in fall 2015. The popularity of these courses can be attributed in part to their flexibility with working adults' schedules, students' ability to progress more quickly through online programs and, oftentimes, cheaper tuition. [See 10 low-cost online bachelor's programs for out-of-state students.]Online degrees can be beneficial to many college students, but some studies have shown online learners complete their programs at lower rates than students at traditional brick-and-mortar campuses. Individuals with student loans but no degree comprise two-thirds of defaulted borrowers. Though these numbers are not encouraging, just like for traditional programs, there are ways to reduce how much you'll need to borrow for an online program to ensure you won't become one of these statistics. Don't just settle on borrowing student loans to cover the whole cost of your program and living expenses. Instead, start thinking about how to cut costs and cover your balance in different ways, such as the following. -- Grants and scholarships: Even though you are taking an online course, you can still apply and receive grants and scholarships. But your first step should be to complete the Free Application for Federal Student Aid, commonly referred to as the FAFSA, which will allow you to receive a Pell Grant if your expected family contribution is low enough. The EFC criteria and award amounts are adjusted annually, but the 2017-2018 academic year awards range from $606 to $5,920, which could significantly lower the amount you borrow annually. Your next step is to apply for scholarships. You can start by checking online scholarship search engines, such as the Salt Scholarship Search, College Board's BigFuture and Peterson's. But don't forget to take advantage of local organizations and your school's financial aid office. Both may offer scholarships that you can't find with a national scholarship search. [Review these 10 sites to kick off your scholarship search.]For instance, organizations like the Elks Club, Knights of Columbus or the Rotary Club typically offer scholarships annually to local students. Just because you're going to school online doesn't mean you're ineligible. Visit your local library for scholarship listings, and ask around town. You might be surprised how many local organizations offer scholarships. While these scholarships typically aren't large, every little bit counts. Each dollar you receive in a scholarship is a dollar you don't have to borrow and pay interest on. -- Work-study: Another option for online students may be work-study awards. Not all students enrolled in online programs are eligible, but students at some schools -- including, for example, SUNY Empire State College and Liberty University -- are. Work-study awards are not given upfront like scholarships and grants. In most cases, they are an offer to earn up to the awarded amount if you secure an eligible work-study job. While there is a misconception that all work-study jobs must be on campus, students can work for off-campus, nonprofit or public employers as long as the work is in the public's interest. You may be able to work for a for-profit employer if the job is relevant to your course of study. No matter who the outside employer is, it will need to have an established agreement with your college for you to receive work-study funds. Remember, to be eligible for federal financial aid, you must be enrolled and pursuing a degree or certificate. If you're not working toward a credential, Pell Grants and work-study won't be option, but you may still be able to take advantage of private scholarships -- just be sure to read the eligibility criteria carefully. [Explore what to know about financial aid in online programs.]-- Pay as you go: One of the great benefits to enrolling online is the flexible schedule, which can allow you to complete your college coursework around your responsibilities. But prospective students often overlook using their part- or full-time job earnings as an option for paying for college. Almost 80 percent of college students in 2015 worked at least part time while attending classes, according to the National Center for Education Statistics. By budgeting and thinking strategically about your college costs, you can likely reduce your dependence on student loans by paying a portion out of pocket. Many -- but not all -- online programs are less expensive than traditional programs and often have shorter payment periods. Six, eight or 10 weeks are common course durations. Because of the frequency of payments in an online setting, you may be well-placed to pay as you go and possibly avoid borrowing altogether. Attending college online and avoiding student loans may be challenging, but if you are willing to put in the effort, you can limit the amount you need to borrow. More from U.S. News Q&A: Understanding Student Loan Discharge Eligibility Student Loan Refinancing Isn't Right for All Borrowers
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