Chad Becker took a pay cut when he decided to quit his cushy government job and launch his own commercial real estate consulting firm. The newbie entrepreneur now estimates that most of his friends’ household incomes are double or triple his own. “We jokingly say that we’re the ‘poor friends,'” says Becker, who lives in Golden, Colorado, with his wife and two children.
Maintaining a friendship with peers who significantly outearn you can be a challenge, fraught with social peril and strained relationships. After all, constantly turning down invitations to budget-busting events can make it seem like you’re blowing off your pals. But saying “yes” can derail your plans to save money, pay down debt or whatever other financial goal you’re working toward.
So, how do you strike a balance as the “poor friend?” Here’s a wealth of guidance.
[See: Check, Please: Paying the Bill in 6 Awkward Situations.]
You can say “no” in a savvy way. When responding to an invitation to a pricey dinner, event or vacation, just say “no” … with a twist.
Instead of turning down the invitation outright, suggest a budget-friendly alternative. For example, you could say, “That sounds so wonderful, but unfortunately, it’s out of my budget, but I’d love to get together for a walk instead,” says Lizzie Post, co-president of the Emily Post Institute, which provides resources on etiquette advice, and co-host of the Awesome Etiquette podcast. “It puts the emphasis on getting together, not just that one interaction.”
If you’re willing, let your friends know that you’re turning down the invite for monetary reasons, not because you’re horrified at the thought of spending time with them. “I think there’s something to be said about being authentic, but you shouldn’t feel compelled to overshare,” says Diane Gottsman, national etiquette expert and owner of The Protocol School of Texas.
Learn what works for you and your relationships. “I’ve learned to kind of finesse it,” says Vicki Rimasse, a New York City-area communications specialist and writer, who considers herself the “poor friend.” “Sometimes I say that I have a conflict if I don’t want to get into it,” she says.
[See: 8 Big Budgeting Blunders — and How to Fix Them.]
Become an expert on frugal activities in your area. Become the go-to resource on affordable outings in your region. Learn how to scout out the latest free concerts, movies, performances and activities by reading local blogs and newspapers, keeping up-to-date on events sponsored by your local library, parks and recreation department and museums. “There are a lot of things you can do that don’t cost a lot,” Rimasse says. In her area, she says, there are often movies in the park, beautiful places to walk and other low-cost activities.
Have frugal, fun activities at your fingertips. That way, you’ll always have a fantastic alternative at the ready, one that might even be more exciting — and less fattening — than the same old four-star dinner or pricey performance.
Organize. Be on the offense, not the defense, when it comes to organizing affordable social outings. “Be the first to throw out some ideas instead of the last,” Gottsman says.
Position yourself as the friend who suggests that everyone meet up at the hip, but reasonably priced, happy hour spot in your neighborhood. Or host movie night at your house, where the only expenses are a few bags of popcorn and a Netflix account. Even throwing a more involved event, such as a dinner party, can still be cheaper than a night out. “We always extend the invite to entertain at our house,” says Becker, the aspiring entrepreneur in Colorado. He and his wife recently hosted a Kentucky Derby party, where guests arrived decked out in over-the-top outfits, he says.
If friends ask, let them bring a bottle of wine or their famous chocolate brownies. The more, the merrier.
[See: 12 Ways to Be a More Mindful Spender.]
Let go when friends can’t accommodate. The fact is that some friends might not want to navigate around your budget-conscious lifestyle. But at the end of the day, your money goals have to be more important than friends who can’t be flexible with their social outings.
“It’s been a strain on some [relationships],” says Rimasse, the “poor friend” in New York. But some friends are more understanding now than they were in the past, she says, especially in the wake of the Great Recession, when some of her peers were also forced to scale back.
Remember: Friendships are important, but so is your bank account. Says Post: “It’s really important to be standing up for your budget, no matter what it is.”
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Being the ‘Poor Friend’: How to Stick to Your Budget Without Being Shunned originally appeared on usnews.com
