It can be challenging to live with a family member who has diabetes.
“Having a family member with diabetes definitely impacts the entire family,” says Dr. Irene M. O’Shaughnessy, a professor of medicine at the Division of Endocrinology, Metabolism and Clinical Nutrition at the Medical College of Wisconsin in Milwaukee. From meal planning to schedules to monitoring, the extra care involved when someone in your family has diabetes can cause stress for everyone.
First, when someone in your family is newly diagnosed with diabetes, you may feel surprised, upset or overwhelmed — and so will the person who has the condition. Many people go through the stages of grief — denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance — with a diabetes diagnosis if they don’t have the right coping skills, says Susan M. De Abate, a nurse, certified diabetes educator and team coordinator of the diabetes education program at Sentara Virginia Beach General Hospital in Virginia Beach, Virginia. Some people even stay in denial that they have it.
[See: The 12 Best Diets to Prevent and Manage Diabetes.]
Then, the reality of day-to-day life when a family member has diabetes settles in. One area this is most apparent is during meals. “It generally means that everyone in the household has to accept dietary limitations, such as giving up sweets or cutting down on carbs, to set a good example and offer encouragement to their loved one with diabetes,” says Dr. Barry J. Jacobs, director of behavioral sciences for the Crozer-Keystone Family Medicine Residency in Springfield, Pennsylvania, and co-author of “AARP Meditations for Caregivers.”
There’s also the worry of whether something could happen suddenly to the person with diabetes, such as passing out from low blood sugar. These fears escalate when the person is away from family members, such as at work or school. The worry is especially bad for parents of a child who has diabetes. That can cause a domino effect on other family members. “The unaffected children may feel jealousy or resentment toward the sibling with diabetes who receives more attention from the parents and may act out in other ways,” O’Shaughnessy says.
At the same time, diabetes takes a toll on families when the person who has it isn’t adhering to the best care. “Family members in that situation are always put in a position of having to confront their loved one or share complicity in their poor diabetes control and likely long-term negative outcomes,” Jacobs says. “If family members decide to deputize themselves as their love one’s diabetes police, then conflict often ensues.”
Over time, the stress can become worse if the family member’s diabetes is not controlled. Common diabetes complications include vision loss, mobility issues and kidney dialysis — all of which prompt a greater need for reliance on family members.
[Read: 8 Complications of Diabetes.]
Then there’s the financial stress involved with diabetes. “Diabetes can place a financial burden on families due to an increase in copayments and lost wages during periods of illness,” O’Shaughnessy says.
Despite the challenges of a diabetes diagnosis, it’s not all gloom and doom. In fact, the more you learn about the condition and help your loved one learn to control his or her blood sugar, the better off it will be for everyone. “Education is a great way to overcome fear,” says Dr. Joshua Miller, an endocrinologist and medical director of diabetes care for Stony Brook Medicine in Stony Brook, New York. Miller should know: He was diagnosed with Type 1 diabetes at age 19.
Here are a few ways to better manage the emotional toll of a family member with diabetes.
Encourage self-responsibility. “The more people with diabetes own their disease and take full responsibility for it, the better it is for family members,” Jacobs says. He encourages family members to repeatedly remind the person with diabetes that he or she is in charge of managing the condition. “Family members need to step back out of the role of police or enforcer as much as possible,” he says.
Seek help from trusted professionals. For example, a certified diabetes educator will help the patient come up with a plan to better manage their diabetes. “The doctor is the captain of the ship, but we figure out how you can manage it better,” De Abate says. Your CDE may suggest using reminders on your phone for when to check your blood sugar or keeping your blood sugar monitor next to your toothbrush so you remember to check. It’s all about creating an individualized plan, she emphasizes.
Certified diabetes educators also can help dispel myths about diabetes that cause fear for the family. Some patients or family members may think of burdensome diabetes care an older family member had to follow; in reality, the devices and technology used today make things easier, Miller says.
Another trusted professional who can help families is a therapist or counselor. Sometimes, the person most in need of this support is the caregiver. “They often benefit from counseling themselves to develop skills to manage the day-to-day stress of living with someone with a chronic medical condition,” O’Shaughnessy says. “Take care of your own health because your family member with diabetes needs you.”
[See: 6 Tips to Keep Diabetics Out of the Hospital.]
Seek support. Look for support groups for those with diabetes to swap stories and ideas for diabetes management. Many hospitals and health care systems offer such groups. There has also been a trend toward online support groups, where people feel more anonymous and able to share their situation, De Abate says.
If you have a child with diabetes, gradually teach him or her how to manage the condition. Although parents should always have a role in monitoring their child’s diabetes, as they get older, teens can take an increasing role in blood sugar monitoring and meal planning. “There is a danger that parents micromanage their children to the point that the children grow up and do not become independent in taking care of themselves,” O’Shaughnessy says.
Help your loved one set realistic goals for better health. For instance, if a patient wants to lose 50 to 100 pounds, Miller will help reframe their thinking to focus on losing 5 pounds. Or, if a patient smokes two packs of cigarettes a day, he’ll suggest dropping to 1½ packs a day at first. “Frame the goals in small, achievable steps,” he says.
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5 Ways to Cope When a Family Member Has Diabetes originally appeared on usnews.com
