For some law school applicants, fear of rejection can be hard to overcome to ask for recommendation letters. But experts say you need to be careful not to overlook signs of potential problems with recommenders.

“This law school recommendation situation parallels a less-than-ideal (but common) dating situation,” Steven Roy Goodman, a D.C.-based educational consultant and admissions strategist, said in an email.

“Like in the world of dating, it helps if your partner/prospective partner is supportive of your plans. If you have to make a detailed case to someone who is supposed to be your ally in the process that you would be a terrific law school student/partner, then it is likely that the other person isn’t really 100 percent interested.”

[Read recommendation letters that helped make the case for law school admission.]

Goodman, who owns and runs Top Colleges admissions consulting firm, says if you realize a potential reference is reluctant to write a letter of recommendation and you have other potential recommenders, move on graciously.

“You simply say, ‘Dr. or Mrs. Jones, thank you very much, I realize you’re very busy, one of my other recommenders is happy to do it, and I look forward to being in touch in the future,'” Goodman suggests.

If you have limited potential recommenders, Goodman advises doing your best to work with the individual to achieve a solid recommendation. He says it’s also worth considering ways to expand your options to find a person who is eager to write the letter.

[Avoid making these mistakes when requesting law school recommendations.]

Experts say you should request a letter of recommendation in person when possible or otherwise by phone.

“When you talk with the person, make sure that they’re excited and you don’t have to drag them into writing a letter of recommendation for you,” says Matt Shinners, senior consultant at jdMission, a law school admissions consulting firm, and senior manager of academics at Manhattan Prep, a test prep tutoring company.

Here are three red flags experts say indicate you shouldn’t rely on a potential reference to write a good recommendation letter.

1. Significant anxiety about deadlines: Experts say law school applicants should take note if a potential reference expresses doubt about meeting the submission deadline.

“If they are saying things about having deadlines and being busy and saying they’ll try to get to it, that’s a bad sign,” Shinners says. However, he says it’s a good sign if the recommender asks your reasons for wanting to attend law school or discusses information you’d like included in the letter.

Goodman says you should give a potential reference at least three weeks to write the letter. However, assuming you have allotted a reasonable amount of time, the reference will make this work if he or she cares about it, Goodman says.

Sometimes a potential reference is reluctant to directly say no and potentially hurt your feelings, Goodman says. So when he or she repeatedly mentions other obligations, that may hint at a preference to not write the letter.

[Learn about the anatomy of a law school recommendation letter.]

2. Fuzzy memories: A lukewarm and vague recommendation letter does you no favors in the law school admissions process, says Jeff Thomas, executive director of prelaw programs at Kaplan Test Prep. “The thing that makes a great letter of recommendation is its specificity and detail,” he says.

Thomas says law school applicants often make the mistake of asking a prominent person for a recommendation even though that person does not know them well. “When students worry about clout, that’s when they get in trouble,” he says.

Goodman says it is often possible for law school applicants to get excellent recommendation letters from graduate student teaching assistants or college administrators, and he says to remember that the writer’s identity is less important than the letter’s content.

3. Negative comments: Experts say if a potential reference says anything remotely critical about your academic or work performance while discussing the recommendation letter, it is unwise to allow that person to write and submit a letter.

When a reference with reservations attempts to write you a recommendation letter, experts say his or her reservations are often reflected in the letter’s tone, even despite best intentions to help you . And because prospective law students are often asked to waive their rights to see recommendation letters, experts say you should take precautions to ensure the letters will be overwhelmingly positive.

Goodman suggests directly asking the potential reference if he or she is able to offer an enthusiastic endorsement. “This is not the time to have a fragile ego,” Goodman says. “This is the time to be proud of who you are, and if somebody says they don’t love everything about you, then that’s the time to move on.”

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3 Signs You’ve Chosen the Wrong Law School Reference originally appeared on usnews.com