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5 Reasons Not to Bad-mouth the ‘Other Parent’

By U.S. News & World Report

Splitting up? No matter what twists and turns highlight your divorce or breakup saga, one truth emerges: The same problems that ultimately killed your relationship will probably continue.

Of course, breakups are infinitely more complicated when kids are involved. Essentially, there’s no “forever breakup,” because — ideally — you’ll always share responsibility for your kids. And while celebrities flout their no-conflict co-parenting arrangements, the rest of us grapple with nasty disputes over schedules, finances and life changes no one anticipated. Think about it. If you and the other parent had been able to negotiate, compromise and communicate about tough issues, it’s fairly certain you’d still be together.

Parenting is the toughest job around, and post breakup, both parents are in a difficult spot. You’re either trying to do the best for your kids cooperatively with someone you no longer want to share your life with. Or your former partner — the other parent — only sporadically accepts or deliberately abandons parental responsibilities.

[See: 10 of the Biggest Health Threats Facing Your Kids This School Year.]

If the other parent choses the irresponsible low road, you’re left with unexpected and staggering responsibilities. You understandably feel angry and frustrated. But always remember that kids figure out the other parent in their own time and in their own ways. They may not say it directly, but kids know which parent unselfishly loves and protects them and which parent skirts or ignores responsibilities.

Savvy single parents — despite painful breakup drama — recognize that bad-mouthing the other parent is never the right parenting choice. Here’s why:

Change is hard. Every breakup involves change. Your kids struggle with often unwelcome changes, too. Change can mean a new home, a different school or simply getting used to seldom seeing both parents together. Hearing a parent rant about things kids can’t understand or control leaves them feeling helpless and confused.

You’re the role model. We all struggle to manage uncomfortable feelings. If your kids witness you repeatedly venting anger or frustration without regard for their feelings, such experiences won’t be forgotten. Profanity and other careless language are quickly learned when modeled by a parent.

[Read: Secure Attachment: Parenting From the Inside Out.]

Online counts, too. Online support groups are often helpful. Counting on the privacy of such groups, however, may not be a wise choice. Anyone with sufficient motivation can obtain online information. Think about your own circumstances and possible consequences before you chime in. Finding a well-qualified therapist, keeping a journal or joining an in-person support group may prove better options.

You must heed the facts of life. All kids eventually realize they’re the biological half of the other parent. If one or both parents have been labeled a liar, cheat or something equally horrid, the damage to your kids’ sense of control can be significant.

[See: 10 Concerns Parents Have About Their Kids’ Health.]

Kids are not confidants. Sometimes single parents defend “talking truth” about the other parent because they fear their kids will somehow never make sense of what happened in their lives. So, they feel somehow justified in giving their kids a play-by-play report of what the other parent did or didn’t do. Such parental oversharing burdens your kids. And it doesn’t improve the situation or make you feel better. If you’re feeling overwhelmed, seek out the adult emotional support you need and deserve.

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5 Reasons Not to Bad-mouth the ‘Other Parent’ originally appeared on usnews.com

Don’t Settle for Student Loans to Pay for Online Education

By WTOP Staff
Online college programs are becoming a more popular choice for prospective students, with one study finding that more than 6 million students enrolled in at least one online course in fall 2015. The popularity of these courses can be attributed in part to their flexibility with working adults' schedules, students' ability to progress more quickly through online programs and, oftentimes, cheaper tuition. [See 10 low-cost online bachelor's programs for out-of-state students.]Online degrees can be beneficial to many college students, but some studies have shown online learners complete their programs at lower rates than students at traditional brick-and-mortar campuses. Individuals with student loans but no degree comprise two-thirds of defaulted borrowers. Though these numbers are not encouraging, just like for traditional programs, there are ways to reduce how much you'll need to borrow for an online program to ensure you won't become one of these statistics. Don't just settle on borrowing student loans to cover the whole cost of your program and living expenses. Instead, start thinking about how to cut costs and cover your balance in different ways, such as the following. -- Grants and scholarships: Even though you are taking an online course, you can still apply and receive grants and scholarships. But your first step should be to complete the Free Application for Federal Student Aid, commonly referred to as the FAFSA, which will allow you to receive a Pell Grant if your expected family contribution is low enough. The EFC criteria and award amounts are adjusted annually, but the 2017-2018 academic year awards range from $606 to $5,920, which could significantly lower the amount you borrow annually. Your next step is to apply for scholarships. You can start by checking online scholarship search engines, such as the Salt Scholarship Search, College Board's BigFuture and Peterson's. But don't forget to take advantage of local organizations and your school's financial aid office. Both may offer scholarships that you can't find with a national scholarship search. [Review these 10 sites to kick off your scholarship search.]For instance, organizations like the Elks Club, Knights of Columbus or the Rotary Club typically offer scholarships annually to local students. Just because you're going to school online doesn't mean you're ineligible. Visit your local library for scholarship listings, and ask around town. You might be surprised how many local organizations offer scholarships. While these scholarships typically aren't large, every little bit counts. Each dollar you receive in a scholarship is a dollar you don't have to borrow and pay interest on. -- Work-study: Another option for online students may be work-study awards. Not all students enrolled in online programs are eligible, but students at some schools -- including, for example, SUNY Empire State College and Liberty University -- are. Work-study awards are not given upfront like scholarships and grants. In most cases, they are an offer to earn up to the awarded amount if you secure an eligible work-study job. While there is a misconception that all work-study jobs must be on campus, students can work for off-campus, nonprofit or public employers as long as the work is in the public's interest. You may be able to work for a for-profit employer if the job is relevant to your course of study. No matter who the outside employer is, it will need to have an established agreement with your college for you to receive work-study funds. Remember, to be eligible for federal financial aid, you must be enrolled and pursuing a degree or certificate. If you're not working toward a credential, Pell Grants and work-study won't be option, but you may still be able to take advantage of private scholarships -- just be sure to read the eligibility criteria carefully. [Explore what to know about financial aid in online programs.]-- Pay as you go: One of the great benefits to enrolling online is the flexible schedule, which can allow you to complete your college coursework around your responsibilities. But prospective students often overlook using their part- or full-time job earnings as an option for paying for college. Almost 80 percent of college students in 2015 worked at least part time while attending classes, according to the National Center for Education Statistics. By budgeting and thinking strategically about your college costs, you can likely reduce your dependence on student loans by paying a portion out of pocket. Many -- but not all -- online programs are less expensive than traditional programs and often have shorter payment periods. Six, eight or 10 weeks are common course durations. Because of the frequency of payments in an online setting, you may be well-placed to pay as you go and possibly avoid borrowing altogether. Attending college online and avoiding student loans may be challenging, but if you are willing to put in the effort, you can limit the amount you need to borrow. More from U.S. News Q&A: Understanding Student Loan Discharge Eligibility Student Loan Refinancing Isn't Right for All Borrowers
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