As parents, we want to protect our kids from harm. But what if we’re the ones inadvertently causing it? It’s never too late to change. That’s why I’m asking every parent who has concerns about a child’s weight to shift the focus away from pounds and put it on the child’s health.

It’s natural to worry. Maybe your daughter or son looks like she or he is getting heavier, and alarm bells go off. Perhaps you were teased or had low self-esteem for the same reason when you were a kid. You don’t want your child to endure the same thing, and so you monitor food intake. You make little comments about appearance. You put your child on a diet. You may feel like it comes from a good place of genuine concern for their health.

But it’s also dangerous: According to research from the University of Liverpool and Florida State University published in the journal Pediatrics last year, identifying your child as overweight has detrimental consequences.

[See: What to Say and Do If Your Daughter Thinks She’s Fat.]

Psychology researchers Eric Robinson and Angelina Sutin analyzed data from a longitudinal study of 3,557 Australian children, starting from when the kids were between ages 4 and 5. They observed the kids until roughly age 13, tracking the body mass index of each child to determine if they were normal or overweight. Researchers also surveyed parents to determine if they were aware that their child was overweight. Kids’ weights were measured every two years and compared against their parents’ perceptions of them.

The surprise? Children who were overweight when they were young and who had parents who thought they were overweight were likelier to gain more weight throughout childhood. This was seen even in children who were normal weight or underweight — if their parents perceived them as overweight, they were more likely to gain weight. But children who were overweight in early childhood and whose parents perceived them to be normal or underweight were less likely to gain more weight as they got older.

This flies in the face of common assumptions: If your child is overweight, shouldn’t you manage it? The answer is no. That’s because, in actuality, kids labeled this way by their parents are at increased risk for future weight gain.

For one thing, people who feel stigmatized because of their weight might overeat or become more sedentary. It makes sense: How many times have you berated yourself over your appearance and said, “It’s no use. I might as well have another bowl of ice cream or skip another day at the gym. What’s the point? I’m already fat!” It’s the same for kids.

[See: 10 of the Biggest Health Threats Facing Your Kids This School Year.]

Our best intentions can backfire. When kids struggle with body image, they’re more likely to diet, avoid physical activity or binge eat. So we need to shift the focus to health. Here are some ideas to do just that:

Have perspective. Kids’ bodies are awkward at times. Your child might look pudgy or round before a growth spurt. But those bodies change fast. Other kids are just born to have excess body fat — and that’s OK, too. Remember: This does not necessarily mean poor health.

Check your own weight bias at the door. Our culture prizes thinness above all. Try not to let that trickle down to your children. In fact, the American Academy of Pediatrics recommends that parents don’t put kids on a diet to lose weight and avoid making comments about weight in order to help prevent obesity and eating disorders in adolescents. According to the AAP, roughly half of teenage girls and one-quarter of teenage boys are dissatisfied with their bodies. These numbers are higher in overweight teens. Explain to your kids that people can be different shapes, sizes, heights and weights, and be healthy, too. This will help them build a positive body image, even if they don’t look like their friends.

Eat meals as a family. You don’t need to make a Pinterest-perfect meal. Use leftovers. Throw together whatever is in the fridge. Let your kids help, even if they make a huge mess. AAP guidelines suggest that frequent family meals are associated with healthier eating patterns and protect against disordered eating. Family dinners are a great way to model a positive approach to food for your kids.

Focus on health, not weight loss, when talking to your doctor. If you’re concerned about your child’s size, don’t deny your instincts. But be clear with your pediatrician. Let your child’s doctor know that you don’t want to focus on weight loss or dieting. Instead, ask about factors such as your child’s cholesterol or blood sugar levels, and inquire about having these tested if you have concerns. Discuss genetics and family history. Talk about puberty and your child’s growth — both in terms of weight and height — over time. Often, changes that worry you might be normal and natural.

[See: 10 Concerns Parents Have About Their Kids’ Health.]

Behaviors that help kids become healthy over the long term — both physically and emotionally — matter more than a number on a scale. Instead of worrying about losing weight, boost your child’s self-image instead.

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Are Your Weight Concerns for Your Kids Too Much? originally appeared on usnews.com