Most people are joking when they refer to a spouse, roommate or friend as a shopaholic. But as anyone who has lived with one knows, the behavior is anything but funny. A true shopaholic can destroy his or her finances — and anyone within close proximity. After all, a roommate who is a shopaholic may not have access to your savings account, but he or she probably is paying half of the rent and utilities.
If you’re concerned that you may be living with a shopaholic, look for these danger signs. Individually, they may not mean anything, but add up enough of these red flags, and you may have an expensive and scary problem under your roof.
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1. You’ve seen a dramatic change in behavior
Sometimes, a shopaholic isn’t very subtle.
A “radical shift in spending habits is a sign,” says Sanam Hafeez, a New York City-based licensed clinical psychologist, a teaching faculty member at Columbia University Teachers College and founder and clinical director of Comprehensive Consultation Psychological Services.
So, if the person you’re living with has always been a responsible spender with impeccable credit but you discover he or she has maxed out four credit cards, that would be a major red flag, according to Hafeez.
2. You’re on the receiving end of anger and anxiety.
If the person you’re living with is angry or confrontational when you discuss his or her shopping habits, that’s a troubling sign, too, Hafeez says.
“It’s no different from any other addiction,” she explains. “Typically, if a shopaholic is told to refrain from spending for a few days, it will result in anxiety or some sort of behavior change. Perhaps they will withdraw and go into hiding when put on a spending freeze, afraid to use their phone or computer, to watch TV or go out because they know they will be tempted to buy something,” Hafeez says.
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3. The person you’re living with is lying to you.
So you’ve asked your partner (or roommate) what she did during the day, and you get quite a detailed itinerary but no mention of shopping — only you find out later that she ran up quite the bill on the credit card.
That’s an ominous sign, according to Wendy Patrick, a San Diego-based prosecuting attorney who is also a speaker, author and behavioral analyst.
“In the same way people hide substance abuse, dishonesty about shopping habits or covering your tracks indicate awareness of going overboard,” she says.
4. Items are bought but often not used.
The person you’re living with may appear to be a hoarder, but it’s more likely that he or she has a compulsive buying disorder, says Bruce Sanders, a consumer psychologist and retail consultant in Vacaville, California.
“Pathological hoarders can’t bring themselves to discard what they have, even if their welfare or the health of their family is at risk. Compulsive buyers may give as gifts what they’ve bought, but they can’t bring themselves to stop making needless purchases, even if they can’t afford to feed their families,” he says.
“The rush is in the find-and-spend — not in actually using the items,” Hafeez explains.
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5. Wherever you go, the person you live with is buying something.
True, when we’re out and about, we’re often buying something. Even if you’re at your kid’s soccer game, you may wind up getting some chips or a drink at the concession stand. But does your partner seem to buy stuff when you’re out — always — no matter what?
“Some shopaholics can’t even go to a gas station without buying something, just for fun … like a pair of sunglasses or a baseball cap that they didn’t actually even need,” Hafeez says. “When someone enters a store thinking, ‘What can I buy here?’ as opposed to ‘What do I really need?’ you know they are looking for the high that spending gives them.”
6. Packages from online purchases show up at your home — all the time.
So many consumers shop online, and with free shipping on many websites, it’s easy to buy little random odds and ends every day. Doing that daily may make your life easier, and for most people, this won’t be a troubling sign.
Still, Ted Jenkin probably has a point that too many online packages could indicate a problem in a household. “Do you get an Amazon package at your front doorstep every day?” asks Jenkin, the Atlanta-based co-CEO of oXYGen Financial, a financial advisory firm specializing in catering to Generations X and Y. “Amazonoholics is a scary trend that is only going to get bigger over the next 10 years.”
7. The person you live with seems embarrassed about his or her shopping habits.
That’s a sign there’s a problem, and there’s actually a biological reason for that feeling.
“Shopping, when it becomes an addiction, often produces positive brain reactions similar to other types of addictive behavior,” says Helen Odessky, a licensed clinical psychologist in Chicago. “These feelings do not last long and are often followed by shame and guilt. If you notice that a loved one feels ashamed or guilty about their shopping, it is time to get some help.”
8. There are a lot of highs and lows in your loved one’s mood, related to shopping.
So maybe the person you live with is really happy when he shops, but gets crabby when he hasn’t shopped fora while. Red flag.
“Retail therapy has become common nomenclature for treating yourself to a new purchase. Someone who is addicted to shopping, however, uses retail therapy excessively and to the extent that their mood is dependent on their ability to shop,” Odessky says. “If they are not shopping they may become irritable or moody.”
9. You and the person you live with are fighting about shopping.
Being a serious shopaholic can be as financially harmful to someone’s bottom line as, say, gambling. “This disorder clearly meets the Americans with Disabilities’ criterion of interfering with activities of daily living. This is not impulse buying,” Sanders says.
And, really, perhaps the clearest sign there’s a problem is when there’s no need to look for signs. It’s obvious. Maybe you’re always arguing about shopping, and you’re beyond fed up.
Still, you may get a more receptive ear if you explain your concerns without sounding judgmental, Odessky recommends.
“It’s very likely that the person is already judging themselves very harshly,” she says.
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9 Signs You Live With a Shopaholic originally appeared on usnews.com
