When I was a little girl, my aunt would mail our family a box filled with treats from her home in Fresno, California. Each year, I would eagerly anticipate the contents. Would she include my favorite — bastegh — a sweet, delectable Armenian treat made from the juice of freshly squeezed grapes thickened with flour then dried into thin sheets? These sheets were folded over into eight layers to resemble pages of a book. I savored each sheet, letting the flavor melt on my tongue. Sometimes, I’d tear off a little piece to wrap around the walnuts or pistachios she included in the box.
When all the contents were gone, I’d ask my mother if we could ask my aunt for more. My mother would remind me to send her sister a “thank you” note. As a child, what do you say besides thank you? Buying a card was out of the question, we had to write a letter by hand.
As the wife of a prominent Armenian church leader, my aunt must have been very busy. I could have written: Thank you, Aunt Lydia, for taking time from your busy schedule to gather these treats, package them nicely in a box and mail them across the country. They are rays of California sunshine captured in a box and eagerly anticipated in the dead of a Wisconsin winter.
[See: 8 Ways Meditation Can Improve Your Life.]
I imagine how she would feel opening the envelop and unfolding the letter to read my words written in perfectly executed Palmer penmanship. But I was only 10 years old and would need help expressing the depth of appreciation I felt. Still, she really liked my letters – my penmanship and the different colors I used to add calligraphic flourishes.
Are We an Ungrateful People?
Today, it’s easier than ever to thank someone. Telephone calls are almost free. We have myriad ways to communicate, from the rarefied handwritten letter, emails, text messages to even a Facebook Live or a private YouTube video. It’s a no-brainer to easily show our gratitude.
So why do we find it so hard to say thank you? Ironically, our communication options don’t make it any easier. We can’t even return a phone call or reply to an email in a timely manner, if at all.
And yet, with limited options during the 1960s and several reminders from my mother, my aunt received my thank you letter in March, months after her gift arrived. I admit, it bothered me each week that I procrastinated. Yet, after I wrote it, sealed the envelop and put on a 6-cent postage stamp before dropping it in the mailbox, I felt much better that it was on its way to Fresno.
[See: 11 Simple, Proven Ways to Optimize Your Mental Health.]
How To Say Thank You
There are three steps to showing gratitude.
Show your gratitude immediately. While you’re being given a gift, even a compliment, focus on how you feel. If you’re in person, start with a smile to show your appreciation and say thank you. If appropriate, give the person a hug. Follow-up the day after with an email or a telephone call. These days, even a selfie with the gift-giver posted on your Facebook page works wonders.
Share what the gift means to you. Beyond thank you, express what the gift means to you. Let’s say your neighbor brings over lunch for you and your loved one, after you had a “pull-my-hair-out caregiver morning.” Thank your neighbor for the perfectly-timed meal and how much you appreciate not having to plan a menu.
Take the gift-giver’s perspective. If after saying thank you, you can’t think of what to say, consider the reaction you’d like if you presented the gift. Begin by expressing this. And if you’re helping a child thank someone, help your child understand from his or her point of view. For example, just as I procrastinated thanking my aunt, she could have done the same and our family would not have enjoyed delectable treats.
[See: Am I Just Sad or Actually Depressed?]
My aunt called a few weeks later to thank me for my beautiful letter. I wish I could have talked longer but at $1.00 a minute (70 cents on weekends) my mother stood by to ensure I would be brief. Still, her call made me smile and feel her love.
Practice saying thank you. Respond immediately until it becomes a habit. Over time, you’ll be able to respond with heartfelt gratitude. While our world has grown more hectic as we rush from one thing to the next, we need to take time to express our thanks when someone pauses long enough to give us a gift.
More from U.S. News
9 Things That Are Surprisingly Good for Your Health
How Social Workers Help Your Health
14 Things You Didn’t Know About Nurses
Why Do We Find It So Hard to Say Thank You? originally appeared on usnews.com
