As I drive around town, I can’t help but notice that lots of parents have bumper stickers on their cars that tell the world that their child is an honor student at such and such a school. They are very proud that their kids are smart. And why shouldn’t they be? All of us desire to be smart, funny, attractive, well-liked and successful in this world. And while just being smart doesn’t guarantee any of those other things, it definitely can make life (and especially school) easier.

What Is Intelligence?

Intelligence is the ability to solve problems by remembering and repeating successful behaviors from the past, or remembering and altering behaviors associated with past failures. It also comes from imagining possibilities for the future and creating a new set of behaviors to achieve those possibilities. Intelligence is measured by Intelligence Quotient, or IQ, tests, but IQ tests don’t measure creative intelligence, practical know-how, interpersonal intelligence (sometimes called emotional intelligence) and bodily kinesthetic intelligence ( athleticism). People with the very same IQ number may solve a problem with equal speed and accuracy, but they will probably use different avenues of thought. Every one of us uses some combination of intelligence-related brain areas in a highly individualistic way. Real intelligence is not easy to measure. Some psychologists say that true intelligence is the ability to adapt to a wholly new situation and to “master” that situation or thrive within it.

[See: 10 Fun Kid Activities for Adult Bodies and Minds.]

Is Intelligence Genetically Predetermined?

Humans have 25,000 genes, but 40 million switches that turn those genes on or off. Genes determine intellectual potential, but not necessarily outcome. We are not victims of our genes. What, then, determines which switches get turned on and when? The first determinant is what the mom experiences and what she consumes before getting pregnant and during her gestation period. Both of these have a huge effect on the genes of her offspring. A recent study found that the type of food eaten by a group of non-pregnant female mice chemically altered their DNA, and that later when those mice did become pregnant, those changes were passed on to their offspring. It is not as simple as not eating harmful things, but instead is more about getting adequate amounts of the nutrients needed for genes to switch on and allow optimal development of the brain and nervous system.

In addition to nutrients, hormone levels play a big part in utero. Remember that hormones aren’t just about the reproductive system — hormones exist all throughout the body as chemical messengers relaying crucial information to all the other body systems. So the levels of cortisol, insulin and even thyroid hormones have a direct effect on the genes and development of the fetal brain and the baby’s neural development. Mothers who are stressed have more cortisol and other androgenic hormones like testosterone. High levels of cortisol and testosterone during pregnancy have been shown to suppress some development of left hemisphere functions. Stress can come from a variety of sectors — financial, emotional, relational or even chemical stress from toxins in the environment. Right hemisphere development can be suppressed by high levels of estrogen in the mother of a growing fetus. Estrogens are at toxic levels in our everyday surroundings like plastic water bottles, plastic storage containers, Styrofoam takeout trays and even in our water supply thanks to millions of flushed birth control pills every month.

How Does That Play Out?

Children with behavioral, academic, social or other challenges are often struggling with a brain imbalance where they mostly use one side of the brain and are unable to fully access the other side because it is weaker. This could come from the balance of hormones and the stress level of the mother during gestation. The left hemisphere of a child’s brain controls learning and processing information. Kids who are left brain dominant are usually more analytical and academic, but may struggle socially and have trouble getting along with their peers. Children with right brain dominance (their left side may be weak from stress hormones in utero) are imaginative and social, but may really struggle in school.

[See: 11 Simple, Proven Ways to Optimize Your Mental Health.]

After the Child’s Birth

Once born, what a child experiences greatly effects which genes are turned on. These experiences come in the form of environment, thoughts and stressful emotions, diet, exercise, touch (healthy or toxic), and heart connection to at least one safe person. Healthy touch is so important! An infant’s brain at birth is 25 percent developed, with a hundred billion nerve cells. These nerve cells make many connections to other nerve cells while developing in the mother, and then continue in the first years after birth. This results in some 100 trillion connections of nerve cells to other nerve cells by the age of 3. Repeated activity of those connections strengthens or thickens the connections between nerve cells, just like a dirt road that’s used a lot will get worn almost as hard as pavement. It will widen and strengthen to accommodate the increase in traffic.

These connections will last for a lifetime unless a traumatic brain injury occurs. Touch — and then later in the infant’s life, movement — allows for most of these connections. Without adequate, safe, healthy touch and movement early in the infant’s life, this opportunity is lost. Touch has also been found to keep DNA synthesis active. Babies need a lot of healthy touch to grow into healthy, thinking, feeling humans.

How Can You Draw Out Your Child’s Inner Genius?

Children’s attitudes toward themselves and toward learning is a major factor in their achievement. Most people who have succeeded have also failed many times. Having the confidence in themselves to fail and learn from their failures makes smarter kids. Period. When a child is allowed to fail and learns to do things differently because of that failure, he or she actually builds brain connections that can benefit them for a lifetime. So allowing your children to fail, helping them learn from their mistakes and pushing them to persevere even under frustration — but not pushing them to the point of toxic stress — is the key. Easier said than done, right? Yes, but you can do this! It takes attention and intention. An easy life is not a fulfilling life, and it doesn’t make for strong, resilient kids.

Remember back when I said that many psychologists define intelligence as the ability to navigate a new field and learn the rules, apply the rules and thrive? Well, that is also a very good definition for resilience, and that is a superhero power your child can take to the bank.

[See: 10 Ways to Break a Bad Mood.]

Dr. Pete Sulack is founder of StressRX.com and UnhealthyAnonymous, the 12 step program to reducing and managing stress levels, as well as the majority owner of one of the largest clinics in North America. His office has seen more than 1,000,000 patient visits over the last 13 years, validating his unique approach to health and wellness. Dr. Pete actively treats patients traveling from around the world seeking his services. His studies on the effects of stress, coupled with testimonials from patients and attention in medical communities have garnered him the title of “America’s Leading Stress Expert.” He is a highly sought-after teacher, lecturer and author.

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How to Have Smarter Kids originally appeared on usnews.com