Certain life events can impact your love life. In TD Bank’s 2016 Love and Money survey, many respondents singled out things, such as getting married, living together, having children and buying or owning a home with a significant other, as the most significant indicators of commitment in a relationship.
But what happens when debt gets in the way of these relationship milestones? Carrying debt can cause a major roadblock to reaching those turning points and might even force you to delay these events until later in life. Here are four crucial ways debt can hurt your relationship.
1. Debt can be a turnoff to potential partners. Right from the get-go, debt can sabotage the potential for a fruitful relationship. According to the TD Bank survey, debt does have an impact on willingness to date. However, the “survey results showed that debt — and more importantly, the type of debt — can impact a relationship,” says Ryan Bailey, head of consumer deposits, payments and personal lending at TD Bank.
[See: 11 Expenses Destroying Your Budget.]
For instance, 26 percent of survey respondents said they would be less likely to date a potential partner who had significant student loan debt. However, a full 44 percent of respondents said they’d be less likely to date someone if they carried major credit card debt. So, why does credit card debt have a greater impact on willingness to date than student debt? One reason could be what the different types of debt signify to potential partners.
Unlike student loan debt, credit card debt is the “accumulation of day-to-day decisions” over a period of time and “reflects a person’s financial behaviors,” Bailey says. On the other hand, student debt is a one-time loan being put toward education, which is considered a valuable investment, and therefore has a more positive connotation compared to credit card debt.
Fortunately, there’s hope, even if debt does become a source of contention in your relationship. “Money conflicts are often more about emotions than finances,” Bailey says. “Couples need to be honest with each other and aware of how their financial habits impact the relationship.”
2. Debt can prevent buying a home and living together. Owning a home is a key aspect of being financially independent. In fact, 51 percent of survey respondents said homeownership is the biggest indicator of one’s own financial stability or independence. And 46 percent said buying or owning a home with their significant other signifies commitment in a relationship.
But homeownership is one of the biggest transactions weighing down people. In fact, some millennials and cash-strapped couples are putting off homebuying and renting as a result of carrying too much debt, says April Masini, a relationship expert and founder of relationship advice forum AskApril.com.
“Whether you’re renting or buying, your debt and income are important,” she says. “Banks don’t want to take a risk on super high debt-to-income ratios, and landlords who want credit reports will see your debt as a competitor for your rent dollars … that debt is going to poke a few holes in your love life. What this means in terms of real estate is that you’ll need a co-signer, more roommates or more years living at home with Mom and Dad. Cue the sound of a deflating, romantic heart.”
[See: 10 Foolproof Ways to Reach Your Money Goals.]
Let’s say you’re able to live together but you aren’t married. The good news is “your partner’s debt isn’t your responsibility — unless, of course, you’re a co-signer on their loans,” Bailey says.
Still, having debt and living together with your partner can make it harder to attain other financial goals.
“The burden of paying off significant debt can often impact a partner’s ability to contribute to monthly household expenses or even save for other things couples share, like entertainment, holidays or travel,” he says.
3. Debt delays having children. Having children is a major relationship milestone and cements many relationships. In fact, 48 percent of survey respondents said having children signifies a committed relationship. But, carrying debt can put the brakes on taking this next life step and consequently hurt your love life.
“Babies are bundles of joy that are expensive,” Masini says. And she’s right. The average cost to raise a child born in 2013 may add up to more than $245,000 for middle-income families, according to the U.S. Department of Agriculture.
“Millennials, in particular, are putting off having kids because of the cost of raising them,” she says. “Hard to win this one — unless, you pay down your debt as a priority, early on in life.”
[See: 12 Habits of Phenomenally Frugal Families.]
Other surveys seem to point to this trend of delaying children, as well. In its 2015 Life Delayed study, the American Student Assistance organization found that 28 percent of survey respondents said student loan debt has forced them to put off starting a family. And if you and your significant other do decide to have a baby when you’re overloaded with debt, you might experience a strain on your relationship and higher stress levels.
“It’s no surprise,” Bailey says, “that having a baby and adding in all the extra costs for things like diapers, daycare and health benefits on top of already existing bills only adds to a couple’s stress of budgeting and paying down debt.”
4. Debt can put off marriage. There are both shallow and deep reasons why debt can derail marriage plans. On the surface, there’s the cost of weddings.
“Dream weddings and dream engagement rings are easily five figures and sometimes six figures,” Masini says. “And many people put off relationship decisions because they have so much debt that they are uncomfortable taking on the debt that comes with financing an engagement ring and a wedding.”
Once again, student debt proves to be a major culprit. In the American Student Assistance study, 21 percent of respondents have put off marriage due to their student loans. But it isn’t just the fear of racking up more debt to pay for a wedding that causes some people to delay walking down the aisle — it’s the fear of taking on a spouse’s debt or suffering from the consequences of their bad money habits.
“Once you tie the knot, it doesn’t matter who makes the charges or who pays the bills,” Bailey says. “When it comes to joint credit, both of you are fully responsible for the debt. So if your spouse can’t make the payments, that means you’re still on the hook for the debt. And whatever good or bad behavior or payment history is associated with the account can impact your personal credit score.”
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