Making life-or-death decisions concerning the mission of his 164-soldier unit was “inherently stressful and often complicated,” but the stress associated with being deployed for a year to Afghanistan faded once Maj. Shane Mason set foot back in Elkton, Maryland, cloaked in the relief that all his comrades had made it back safely. But soon, he was faced with a new challenge: resuming the role of dad and husband, and helping keep up with the family home.

Military deployments — extended periods spent in other locations — are, by their very nature, stressful, both for service members and their families. And in a post-9/11 world, deployments often occur more frequently than they have in the past, changing the landscape of issues to navigate, according to Lydia I. Marek, a Virginia Tech-based research scientist who studies the phenomenon and its human impact.

Before 9/11, the National Guard and Army Reserves were typically deployed for one weekend per month and a couple of weeks in the summer. That’s all changed. “Suddenly these people were geographically dispersed and their families were impacted much more directly by their military service than they ever had been previously,” Marek says.

Reintegration — when military service members resume their civilian lives — can be a particularly challenging part of the deployment process, taking months or even years for some individuals to cope with, according to Marek’s 2011 research, which surveyed approximately 1,000 service members, their partners and children in an effort to understand what factors exacerbate and ease the adjustment back home.

Mason, 41, says his 2012 reintegration period after returning from deployment oversees as part of Operation Enduring Freedom brought on new challenges he didn’t anticipate. “I had to significantly scale back my propensity to dominate what was going on and allow my wife and kids to sort through the issue at hand and get to a solution that in some ways departed from mine with respect to efficiency, approach and ultimate results,” Mason says.

Mason also found it difficult to insert himself back into the daily lives of his two daughters and two sons, who ranged from ages 3 to 14 when he left, and had matured in the year without him. He likens the absence to observing his own family as if it were a reality TV show. “All of that was burdened on my wife,” he says. He quickly discovered his family had learned to live without him, or at least that’s how it felt, he explains.

“I was extremely proud that they were able to heal at their time of temporary loss, and I felt comfort in knowing that if something did happen to me during my deployment, then my family was strong enough to carry on,” Mason says.

He explains that it’s more difficult for family to understand that perhaps the service member has changed after being “exposed to things that are not normal at best and sometimes even extremely tragic,” but it’s no fault of their own.

“They expect the same person that left them a year ago. While you might walk back through the door looking the same, maybe some ideas, principles or even values have changed as a result of deployment,” Mason says.

Marek says it’s critical for military families to understand that this reintegration process takes time.

“Your feelings are normal — the feelings of displacement. In some ways, it just requires some patience to understand the family is operating in a way because that’s what they needed to do to adapt to the absence of that service member,” says Marek, who is also a licensed marriage and family therapist.

If you or a loved one is being deployed or is struggling to reintegrate, consider following coping strategies:

1. Communicate before and during deployment. Marek recommends that families keep in close contact during deployment to improve the reintegration period. Families with adolescents can help alleviate reintegration stress by encouraging contact through video or phone, email or old-fashioned letters.

Vickie LaFollette, program analyst at the Department of Defense’s Office of Family Readiness Policy, says conversations mapping out how the deployed family member will be involved with issues back home need to happen before departure.

“Help them talk about the fact that they’re leaving. ‘What does that mean for this family? Let’s develop a plan of how we’ll stay in touch when the service member is gone. How will we do that as a couple and a family?'” for instance, she says.

2. Take up a hobby. Mason says transitioning from “combat to couch” is quick, and personal time is necessary to reflect on accomplishments made during time served.

“Find some activity that validates us and provides for some personal maintenance,” he says. “Certainly, being a veteran has a cost to the mind and sometimes the body, so finding something that brings satisfaction and accomplishment goes a long way toward putting development and reintegration into a clear, much more focused perspective.”

3. Go to counseling. “The stigma of counseling needs to be stamped out,” Mason says. “With how complex, demanding and immediate our society is today with technology and news, counseling is a tool that can possibly take you out of your own perceptions and paradigms and enable you to free yourself of some stressors that you apply unfairly to yourself.”

Post-traumatic stress disorder affected 11 to 20 percent of every 100 veterans who served in Operations Iraqi Freedom and Enduring Freedom; 12 percent of every 100 Gulf War veterans; and 15 percent of every 100 Vietnam veterans, according to the U.S. Department of Veterans Affairs.

“PTSD can cause numbing, avoidance and difficulty talking to people who haven’t been there,” explains Dr. Elspeth Cameron Ritchie, retired Army colonel and former chief clinical officer for the Department of Mental Health for the District of Columbia. “That can clearly get in the way with the relationships.”

Consider seeking a mental health professional or checking out resources available through Military OneSource, Give an Hour and Veterans Affairs.

4. Go on vacation. Jumping back into work right away might not be the best choice. Ritchie says going for a kayaking trip or a retreat might help engage the family and promote connectedness.

5. Find time for fitness. Being deployed sometimes means having a limited diet and strict physical training routine. Mason encourages other returning service members to eat right, get enough rest and keep up with exercise. “I find when I have unsettled thoughts or energy that I can’t seem to expend through my hobbies, I’ll get out into the neighborhood for a run,” he says. Every day doesn’t have to be an extreme workout, but sometimes a little bit of exercise can help improve your mindset, Mason says — a notion backed by research.

6. Ground yourself with perspective. After deployment, the little things tend to matter much less, Mason says, when balanced with what service members witnessed and experienced while deployed.

“After deployment, who worries that the household trash can didn’t get to the curb this week, when a month ago, you were in tactical convoys that drove by children standing on mounds of trash?” he says.

This perspective can be used as a tool to gauge the seriousness of any given situation or incident.

7. Celebrate. Don’t forget to commemorate the safe return.

“It’s a big deal to come back home,” Mason says. “Not all veterans get that lucky. If you don’t necessarily do it for you, do it for your family, or do it for the veterans who didn’t make it back.”

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Adjusting to Life After Military Deployment originally appeared on usnews.com