Sitting on the back steps of my childhood Milwaukee home, I diagrammed our family tree for my father.

“Oooooh, you’re smart,” he exclaimed. It was my father’s self-conscious way of counteracting nervousness with a compliment, to dissipate the awkward moment of not remembering his brothers, late wife and children. “How’d you get to be so smart?”

I’d offset his unease with, “From you!” He’d chuckle in disbelief. At times, he’d forget who I was — his youngest child, born on his 49 ^th birthday. I didn’t think much of it then. I’d let it roll off me, chalking his forgetfulness up to his age (86), and everything he must have had on his mind.

I didn’t realize he was living with cognitive impairment caused by dementia, accelerated by significant hearing loss and advanced age.

He’d often speak of Ma and sometimes Pa. He last saw his father when he was 8 years old. The year was 1918, when he and his mother dropped off supplies through a fence. No hugs, just a few minutes of conversation while Turkish guards looked on. Back then, Armenians worked for the Turks in hopes that their families’ lives would be spared during the eight-year genocide beginning in 1915. Sadly, this was the last time my father saw his Pa. Three years later, he and his widowed mother sailed from Constantinople (Istanbul) to Ellis Island before they settled in Chicago near family.

When my father referred to Ma, I had to listen carefully for the context of his remarks before I could determine whether he was referring to his Ma or my Ma.

September Is World Alzheimer’s Month

When our loved ones cannot remember, let us remember and help comfort them by illuminating their place in this world.

The theme for this year’s World Alzheimer’s Month is ” Remember Me“. Launched by Alzheimer’s Disease International, or ADI, four years ago, World Alzheimer’s Month was ignited to encourage people to learn about dementia — such as how to spot the signs — while not forgetting about loved ones who are living with or have died from the disease. UK-based ADI is the international umbrella organization representing Alzheimer’s organizations worldwide.

Every four seconds, someone around the world is diagnosed with dementia. Today, there’s an estimated 44 million people affected, with the greatest portion of dementia patients living in developing countries, according to ADI. Estimates suggest that another 60 to 90 percent live with symptoms but remain undiagnosed. According to a July 2015 presentation given by an Alzheimer’s expert in the District of Columbia, as many as 90 percent of dementia patients are from lower-income areas. By mid-century, due to an aging global population, that number will multiply three-fold to 135 million unless there’s a cure.

And the numbers may rise even more once those who remain undiagnosed begin showing recognizable symptoms. For now, diagnoses are limited to those who have insurance or can afford an assessment. What’s more, many wonder why they should bother with assessments if there’s not yet a cure.

Despite the progress we have achieved with increased understanding of dementia, once an individual is handed a diagnosis, he or she enters a world filled with stigma. As soon as the label is applied, that person begins to lose independence, while well-meaning family and friends make limiting assumptions about one’s abilities.

How Can We Remember?

As loved ones’ memories fade and they have greater difficulty communicating and performing daily tasks, caregivers try to balance who their parent was with who their parent is now.

As families juggle their emotions with the caregiving needs of elder family members, it’s best to focus on the present. What is lost cannot be regained when it comes to dementia. Growing distraught that your dad can no longer craft fine furniture out of scrap lumber will do you more harm and impact how you care for a man who now needs help eating. You’ll have a lifetime of memories to recall after your parent is gone. For a less frustrating and more joyful experience with your loved one, remain in the present. Focus on the abilities that remain instead of the disabilities.

Remember that your loved one with dementia is losing brain cells to the disease. He or she will have a harder time remembering significant family milestones — and even family members.

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Yet, there are surprisingly lucid moments.

Such a moment came at the end of a visit with my father, who was living in a skilled nursing home during the latter stages of Alzheimer’s. He hadn’t called me by my name in months. As we rose to part ways, I heard him call my name. The shock of hearing him say “Brenda,” was so great, I froze. I floated in the clouds for days until my next visit. Sadly, that was the last time he remembered, but he always smiled when he saw me.

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As friends and family members, we help people live beyond death by remembering. In the August edition of “The Caregiver’s Voice Newsletter,” I summarized my father’s entire life in one paragraph as he lives on in my heart and mind:

“Imagine all the changes in our world since he was born overseas, just after the Victorian Era! His youth was spent during the Roaring 20s, he came of age in the 30s and found his stride in the 40s. Destined to be a bachelor, he met and married my mother at the start of the 50s. They worked hard and were frugal as we three children helped them uneasily navigate the 60s and 70s until we went our separate ways. They tried to settle into retirement in the 80s. In the 90s, my mother passed and my husband and I moved my father to California after he started showing signs of dementia.”

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Remembering Loved Ones During World Alzheimer’s Month originally appeared on usnews.com