What’s more frustrating than applying and applying and applying to jobs and never, ever, ever getting a bite? Hearing a friend or family member sagely advise, “You know what you need to do? You just need to apply to more jobs.”
Oh. Why hadn’t you thought of that? Friends and family likely mean well, says Jenny Foss, founder of the career blog JobJenny.com, but they sometimes feel uncomfortable and don’t know what to say. “So they either throw out these ridiculous platitudes and cliches,” she says. “Or they tuck and run and don’t say anything.”
If you want to help, say something — just not the following statements. Otherwise, prepare for an eye-roll.
File this advice under “Not Helpful”:
“Be patient.” As opposed to what? Lois Zachary, president of the consulting firm Leadership Development Services and author of “The Mentor’s Guide,” says well-meaning suggestions like this, as well as “it’s just a matter of time,” “everything will work out” and “this, too, shall pass,” are not helpful. “It’s nice to hear, but when you’re looking for a job, you need specific, practical advice,” she says.
“Just walk into a prospective employer’s office with a résumé in hand!” You want to be helpful, but that doesn’t mean you ought to pretend you have the answers. “What tends to happen with advice is we just blabber out stuff we read in a decade-old textbook or that we got in a brochure in a career services office five years ago,” Foss says. “And a lot of it is antiquated, not-that-useful advice.” For example, showing you’re a go-getter by dropping by a company office unannounced may have flown in the past. Now it’s weird and would likely backfire. And no, it’s not a hard-and-fast rule that everyone should have a one-page resume, Foss says.
“You just need to _________.” However you fill the blank, no one thing can “just” get you a job. “If there were some easy answer for that blank, I’m guessing most professionals would have figured it out,” Foss says. Hiring is complex. Many factors determine whether or not you get that call for an interview or job offer. Plus, the best practices for finding a job are fluid, always changing with technology and the economy. “My whole industry would not exist if this were easy,” Foss points out. “It’s almost insulting to oversimplify the answer, even if you mean well.”
“Your problem is _________.” Again, cool it with the oversimplifying. Plus, who asked you what the problem was? “The job seeker who is frustrated and not having the success or traction they’re looking for, they know every day there is a problem and what it is,” Foss says. “What they’re needing is support toward the solution.”
Here’s what to say instead:
“I know Sue So-and-So in your industry. I’ll connect you with her.” If you have contacts who may be helpful or specific leads, share them. When helping a job seeker, Zachary says to consider, “What baby steps help you feel like you’re in continuous motion? You want to keep moving forward.” While you won’t be able to give The One Answer — you just need to network! — simply offering possible contacts is helpful.
“How can I help?” Say you don’t know anyone in the industry who can help. And now that you think about it, your go-to resume advice is from a 2006 career services brochure. “One of the most simple things to do is to say, ‘Look, this is an area I don’t have a lot of expertise in, but I care a lot about you. How can I best support you right now?'” Foss says.
“Tell me more about what you’re looking for.” “Sometimes people can’t find a job because they’re all over the place,” Zachary says. “Ask questions to help people clarify where they’re going. Where do you see yourself? What do you eventually want to be able to do?” These inquiries may help the job seeker reflect on his or her job search and develop more specific strategies, Zachary says. And unless you happen to be a hiring manager for this person’s dream job, you’re better off chatting about next steps than pretending to have an obvious solution. As Zachary puts it: “Think about, ‘What can I say or do that would help keep them moving in a positive direction, so they can find the job they’re looking for?”
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What Not to Say to a Job Seeker originally appeared on usnews.com