What do you do?
Are there four words that sound more phony than these, when they’re the first that a stranger says to you? They seem less spoken than lazily dropped on your head, in four thudding raindrops. And, on cue, you instinctively launch into an umbrella spiel about your title, duties and is this person even listening?
You can do better. Ask a canned question — like the dreaded WDYD — and you can expect a canned answer. And that’s not fun nor fruitful for the person giving the same elevator pitch for the hundredth time or for the person trying to listen and seem interested. On the other hand, ask a thoughtful question, and you get your new contact to think. And there’s no need to seem interested, because the conversation will become interesting.
Go for curious, rather than canned, says Michelle Tillis Lederman, author of “The 11 Laws of Likability” and CEO of the professional development firm Executive Essentials. “If you remain curious, then in conversations you appear comfortable and genuine, even without too much foreknowledge of the person you’re speaking with,” she says, suggesting networkers be inquisitive about the job, life, interests, needs and opinions of a new contact. “Curiosity brings out the best in us and prompts us to naturally do all the things that foster positive connections, such as maintaining good eye contact, giving appropriate head nods and asking interesting follow-up questions to show we’re engaged.”
Below, Tillis Lederman and four other experts share their favorite networking icebreakers that aren’t “what do you do?”
1. “Are you originally from [wherever the event is], or did your business bring you here?”
Diane Gottsman, national etiquette expert and owner of The Protocol School of Texas, suggests this fresh, location-based query, because “it doesn’t feel like you are asking for a stiff elevator speech.”
And you’ll find out what your new acquaintance does. “Asking thoughtful follow-up questions and sharing information about yourself will eventually lead to what kind of business you are in, just in a more engaging manner,” she says.
Gottsman adds that this question is an invitation for your new acquaintances to talk about themselves — and what career-savvy professional doesn’t want to do that at a networking event?
2. “What did you think of the speaker?”
You don’t know this new person yet and can only infer so much. So bring up the one thing you know you both have in common: the environment.
Ask about the presenter, roundtable or whatever was the draw of the evening, or simply ask if the person knows of any good restaurants in the area to try for dinner after the event. From there, Tillis Lederman says, “figure out what you have in common to help the conversation unfold in fruitful new directions.”
3. “Great shoes!”
If you notice something you admire about these new contacts, Tillis Lederman says, tell them! (Who doesn’t like receiving a compliment?) “Then ask something more about it, and see where the conversation leads.”
Tillis Lederman has an important caveat to this conversation starter: If you don’t actually like or care about this person’s shoes, don’t compliment them. There are other, more genuine ways — in fact, at least five — to start a conversation.
4. “What does an ideal day look like in terms of who you meet with or your key priorities?”
Derek Coburn, author of “Networking Is Not Working: Stop Collecting Business Cards and Start Making Meaningful Connections,” explains why there’s more utility to asking this question rather than asking what someone does. “A lot of decision-makers are not client-facing or in sales. They may have their messaging down, but it doesn’t give you any insight into how you may be able to add value for them,” he says. “When I meet new people, I’m most interested in their current challenges and/or opportunities — and if I may be able to help — and this question usually helps me to uncover this information.”
5. “What are you finding most valuable about this event?”
Molly Wendell, president of Executives Network, a networking organization of C-level executives, says this is the “greatest of all questions” to start with before following up with, “so, what do you do?” She points out that everyone has a network, but you don’t know if the person you’re meeting has two people or 200 in his or hers. These questions “give you a glimpse into who they might know, and therefore, might they be a good connection for you,” she says. “The other thing it does is give you insight into what’s going on in their life, and with that, you can look for ways to provide value or help that person.”
6. “What’s your favorite part of your work?”
Devora Zack, CEO of Only Connect Consulting Inc. and author of “Networking for People Who Hate Networking,” suggests replacing WDYD with this fresher line. “Rather than yakking about your own opinions and accomplishments, let others shine by asking thoughtful questions,” she says. “To be a stellar networker, care about the person in front of you more than about promoting yourself.” And like Tillis Lederman said before, listen intently to the responses and let curiosity guide the conversation. As Zack puts it: “Be authentic, or don’t bother showing up.”
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6 Networking Icebreakers That Aren’t ‘What Do You Do?’ originally appeared on usnews.com